Description

Justice. In a convenient, turret-mounted format.

It’s 2025. Your car has 37 driver assistance features, a Wi-Fi hotspot, and still no way to fight back against the mobile arc welders people now call headlights. Until now.

The LED Headlight Dimminator is KaleCoAuto’s premiere counter-illumination solution, engineered for drivers who believe in one simple truth: If your retinas are being erased by some jerk, something should happen to the other guy.

Made of fiber-reinforced nylon, and questionably legal, the Dimminator identifies high-lumen offenders and responds with a short-range, paint-based attitude adjustment—delivered by a precision laser-guided turret and a cold sense of purpose.

• Fake Carbon fiber-textured turret housing for maximum performance vibes
• Twin-axis laser tracking system calibrated by a disgraced optometrist
• Top-mounted reservoir (holds 3 rounds of petty justice)
• Projectiles available in Warm Tangerine and Blackest Legal Black, which legally cannot be sold to one very specific litigious artist
• Optional Distract-then-Dim mode momentarily stuns targets with a platypus hologram before impact
• Self destruct button

Designed and briefly banned by K.E.I.R.D. (KaleCoAuto Evil Integrated Research Division)
GlowDampening Compound is non-toxic, biodegradable, and designed to permanently reign in the offending headlights. It won’t damage paint, but it will damage pride.

Disclaimer: This product is not street legal in the tri-state area or functioning societies. Use only on LED headlights. Take mercy on lifted trucks, they have enough going on. May cause LED bulbs to explode if the target vehicle switches to high beams. Do not taunt the turret. It remembers.